Episode 4: Kellie Henry shares her 5 tips for managing family tech
Watch the Conversation
Kellie Henry (00:05):
And it's intentional. Like, like you said, you do this every day. And this is my passion, is teaching families. And I talk to my kids about it nonstop. I want them to be intentional at home. If I'm not working at it consistently every day, of course, it's so easy to fall back, right? It takes work.
Joey Odom (00:24):
Welcome back to The Aro Podcast. It's your good friend Joey Odom. And buckle up. We got a doozy. We have Kellie Henry. Kellie Henry is a TikTok superstar. She and her husband Dan, have a super fun TikTok page where it's them and their family dancing, having fun. Very, very authentic group of people. And Kellie and I had a fun time talking about how that started, how kind of it's built since then. And then it took a turn into their marriage and relationship. And the moment when they said, are we in this or are we not in this? And the practical advice she gives in their for marriages and for family safe technology is just golden. So I know you're gonna love it. Sit back and enjoy Kellie Henry. All right. Now listen, unless you're Charlie Damelio or Jason Derulo, the chances are Kellie Henry has more followers than you do on TikTok. In fact, she has approximately 20 million more TikTok likes than I do. She's danced with her spouse more times on TikTok than anyone I know. On top of all that, she is a super intentional mom raising four kids with her husband, Dan Kelly Henry, welcome to The Aro Podcast.
Kellie Henry (01:35):
Hi. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
Joey Odom (01:39):
Well, thank you. All right, let, let's, let's dive in. I want to, how <laugh> and everybody needs to go check out their their TikTok page. How in the world did this start? You guys have absolutely blown up. Walk me through, how did, how did this TikTok craze start in with you and Dan? What was the beginnings of it? How has it evolved? I wanna hear all about this.
Kellie Henry (01:58):
Yeah, so not on purpose. That's really <laugh>, that's really how it started. So it was during Covid, the pandemic, everybody was home, and my husband's brother was into it and got Dan on. And so they were just kind of doing it to connect. And then it was fun. It really was such a fun time on TikTok because everybody was scared. Everybody was home. Nobody knew what was going on. And it was a way to connect people to being on here. It was a way to escape kind of this world that was scaring people and you didn't know if you had a job, you didn't know, whatever. And so we connected with so many people online, and we just had fun with it. We got our kids involved, like learning these dances. It just became a fun outlet. And then we started growing. So not on purpose. It was kind of an escape and, but it's been fun. And now here we are,
Joey Odom (03:01):
<laugh>. So who's, who's the most? So are you, or, I mean, you can just tell like maybe one or both of you, like when you're doing the dishes, like I, I assume just like a dance party breaks out most nights. Is it like, who is that? Is that more to you or Dan? Like who's, who's, who's that natural dancer? <laugh>.
Kellie Henry (03:16):
We do love dance parties in our kitchen. <laugh> for sure. I would say both of us and our kids are crazy. They're just our mini mes that love to just get down and love attention. So it's fun. It just probably depends on the song. Who's, who starts dancing first? <laugh>
Joey Odom (03:35):
All right now? Yeah. How you have four kids, right? So how old? Yes. How old are they? What's their, it's so, uh, boys, girls ages?
Kellie Henry (03:41):
Yeah. We have four kids, two girls and two boys. So our two girls are the oldest. We have a 13 and 12 year old, and then our boys are nine and seven, so they're pretty close in age. That's
Joey Odom (03:52):
Kellie Henry (03:53):
But they're really fun. They're at a fun age. I wish I could freeze time right now because my oldest still thinks mom and dad is cool, and she still like, wants to hang out with us and she's not too into her friends yet. So I feel like I'm in this golden bubble and I don't wanna leave it, but I know it's gonna happen
Joey Odom (04:11):
Soon. That's so beautiful. Maybe not. Who knows? I mean, it's, it's, I've got cool parents. That's right. You cool parents, right. So have you had, I mean, any that, that's actually was one of my questions. I was curious. So my daughter's 12 and I think that, I think I'd get just, I think her eyes would end up in the, in on the very back of her skull from all the eye rolls by watching me dance. Is there any, or are, are they fully embraced it? Do they get like, dad, mom, stop
Kellie Henry (04:36):
<laugh>. I mean, like I said, our kids are kinda psycho like us, right? <laugh>, they love attention. So it's usually our kids are wanting, every time we do a video with them, it's them wanting to, most of the time, like, I wanna do that one. Or I've seen, you know, my oldest, she doesn't have TikTok, but her friends do. So they'll be learning dances at school. She'll be like, I wanna do this one. So it's a great way for us to connect. And it's our way of compromising with her, because I don't feel like she's old enough to have social media for herself. We can kind of balance that, but she is able to do it with us, so she gets a little bit of it. So that's kind of how we're trying to balance it a little bit. But there are times where they're like, oh, my friends saw this one of you. And, but I, I secretly think that it's cool that they think it's cool. I would think so. Uh, they don't wanna tell us.
Joey Odom (05:27):
So, I mean, are are you like the, are you the celebrity parents at, at pickup? Like at school pickup
Kellie Henry (05:33):
<laugh>? Well, no, we are not <laugh>, but there was one time where we're friends with the Utah Jazz Bear, and he was over at our house one time, and my daughter's friends, like, all of them were over and thought it was like, so cool. And I was like, you guys gotta remember this, how cool that you are feeling right now when you wanna, when you get older and you don't like your parents, just remember.
Joey Odom (05:57):
That's so awesome. Alright, so take me back to so back, you're, you're in Covid, things are going crazy, everybody's scared. You start doing some videos. How, how did it, how did it take off? I mean, what wa was there a first video where you, you and Dan looked at each other and said, holy crap, like this is something's happening here. What, what was, what was the kind of that first moment when you realized that it was really, really gaining some momentum?
Kellie Henry (06:19):
You know, there were, it was just genuinely so fun. I remember one time we went, it was during Covid, we went in a parking lot. My husband and his brother were doing this dance, but I was in the van, like, I was driving my minivan. The door was open and I was recording him, and we were going really slowly as they're like outside dancing <laugh>. And I was just like, rolling laughing. And I was, it's just, it was just so fun to bring us together. But I think what was beautiful about it is people saw our family and our connection with our kids, with our marriage, uh, that they started to comment about our family and how much they appreciated that. And that's when we were kinda like, you know what, maybe we can show people how amazing your families can be and how if you put your focus on your family, you know, maybe we have something here. And that's kind of where we've been trying to, you know, now it's post Covid and TikTok and the algorithms a little different and stuff. And that's kinda where we're trying to go forward, is just showing people that you can do fun things with your family, that you can be intentional, that there's this balance. Right? And it's a, you know, Joey, you and I have talked about this before, but technology's not going anywhere.
Joey Odom (07:37):
Kellie Henry (07:38):
<laugh>, that's okay. You know, like as much as we would like to put our kids in a bubble, we can't. And so it's trying to teach them, trying to teach them how to, how to handle it, how to use it, how to balance it, how to be on top of it before you know, it becomes a problem. And that's why I love what you guys do.
Joey Odom (08:00):
Well, it, it's, it, it's such a great positive message. The thing I, one thing I love about it is, it's, it's, no, maybe this is a weird way to say it. It's not like there's a self importance about it. It's just, I I, I, you know, I find when people are, are willing to be their, their true selves and be silly. What it does, it just gives what you all do. It just gives license to other people to do the same thing and just to have fun and not have to, you know, we're in such a culture, whether it's a hustle culture or a culture of, you know, trying to make yourself look great or whatever it is, you all it, you don't take yourself too seriously. I mean, you, you, this is a platform for you to spread optimism and positivity and great things and family, you know, a, a great family culture. But I, I just love that, that you all do it in such a fun, lighthearted way. Is is, is that, is that a natural thing? Is that kind of who you, you all the two of you are and your kids and the culture, it is just like, Hey, we don't take ourselves too seriously. We have fun, we love each other. What, what is that family culture like? We
Kellie Henry (08:55):
Are, what, what you see is what you get if you meet us in person versus what you see on our stuff like that is who we are. Um, we are silly, we're fun <laugh>, but, you know, it has been a journey. At the beginning, I wouldn't do any tos if I didn't have like my hair done and my makeup done <laugh> like, it, it was a real thing. I'd be, I'd be always like cleaning up in the background, like, oh, our laundry's here, we gotta move that off the couch. Like <laugh> I'd, I'd create this little space where my thing is where you could see, and then there's just a disaster on, you know, all this other side <laugh>. And so it's been a journey for me as a woman, as a mom, to just kind of have to let that go and be like, we are real. And I'll post without my makeup on sometimes, and we'll do things where I feel like I look like a hot mess where I wouldn't have done that, you know, two, two and a half years ago when we first started. So it's been a journey for us as well. But I love living authentically and feeling okay with that and just having to not care because we're a real family and our house is usually never clean. So
Joey Odom (09:59):
<laugh>, I love that line, living authentically and feeling okay about that. Um, what a great line I is. The, um, have you gotten stories from people when they reach out or even whether they meet you in person or even in the comments section where it's just like where you actually see like, wait, I mean, through that silly dance or this culture we're showing, we we're actually, it's connecting with people. I mean, even stories that have moved you from people of, uh, even through Covid. Have you had any of those through, again, emails, comments or, or in-person interactions?
Kellie Henry (10:32):
You know, we have got a lot of really sweet comments. You know, we've opened up a little bit, but we've been able to do a lot of, a lot of good. Um, but we have had people being like, you know, I was gonna take my life. Wow. You know, and we were, your video made me realize, like, made me smile. And, and those ones have been like, really impactful for us. Gosh. So we've had those, we've, we've been able to, we raised almost a million dollars with the American Heart Association. I saw
Joey Odom (11:08):
That. Yeah. Tell that story. I, I, that that's a great, I was reading about that.
Kellie Henry (11:12):
So one of our friends, um, he had open heart surgery and he's on TikTok and, you know, he's a heart warrior, and they reached out to him to wanna do something and he reached out to us and we were like, absolutely. We actually, my oldest daughter was actually an identical twin who died of a heart thing in the womb. Wow. And so we are passionate about that. And so we just help them. And we were able to do fundraising through TikTok, uh, and raising almost a million dollars for the American Heart Association. So then we'd get all of those people, those amazing stories. You know, heart disease is the number one killer in America. So it, so many, you know, we get a lot of those messages and, and it, it's kind of this moment when you realize, okay, I got online to be silly and do these things, but we are making an impact. You know what I mean? And it is kind of, you make that switch to understand that you do have a platform and you can do good with it if you choose to do that intentionally, right?
Joey Odom (12:18):
Yeah, that's right. Wow. I, um, I didn't know, I didn't know that about your story with your oldest, um, being a twin. Yeah. And we don't have to drill too deep into it, but it's, I I think what's striking to me about that is your, your, I mean, every time I see you, it's the, it's the, you know, light up the room smile and positivity and Dan silly and you know, fun and, and, um, that's, that is knowing that's part of your story and the heartache that I'm sure came with that. That's, that's amazing that you've continued to keep that, that outlook on life.
Kellie Henry (12:47):
Um, oh, thank you. Yeah. And, and that's one thing we are, the direction we're wanting to go, and I've talked about this a while ago on our pages, and like you said, you can scroll, we have a lot on there
Joey Odom (13:01):
<laugh>, so it goes forever.
Kellie Henry (13:01):
But, you know, people will be like, people tell us, you know, your couple goals or your family's great. And, and I take pride in my family. Like, I think they're beautiful and I love them so much, but it hasn't always been like this. It's hard work. And my husband and I have gone through stuff, you know, we almost didn't make it. We've been married 17 years and at our 10 year mark, we were really thinking of divorce, so we had to really work hard at it. So when people say that to us, I appreciate that comment so much. But what we're trying to go forward is, is telling people, you know, it's hard work. It's hard work, and it's, and it's worth it and be, you know, you see, it's so hard with social media. You see people online and you think that they have this perfect life or these successful millionaires, you have all this stuff, you know, they didn't get there by accident or they didn't get there without the hard
Joey Odom (13:57):
Yeah. So we, we, um, I'm curious about that, that the 10 year mark and, um, you opened the door, so I'm just gonna shove it wide open. You know, that that's real, right? I mean, that's what you're describing no matter what, what you see or the couple you think you see, you know, there's a lot underneath the surface. So what was it at the 10 year mark where you said, no, we're, we're, we're in it, we're gonna, what was that prompting where you said, no, we're gonna fight through it as a couple and, um, and tell me about that work for people? Maybe not. I mean, tell the listeners like what, tell, tell 'em about that work for anybody who is like, God, we're thinking about throwing in the towel. We got four kids and this is really hard. So what was the, what was the decision point and then maybe practically, how did y'all fight through it?
Kellie Henry (14:39):
You know, to be honest, it was Jesus <laugh>. Jesus is in there, and he was telling us that like, we can't give up yet, especially me. He really spoke my heart and was like, you need to give it a hundred percent. You don't wanna regret this. I didn't wanna be, you know, 20 years down the road and have my adult shoulder and look at me and say, why didn't you give it a full shot? You know what I mean? And so really through filling that spirit, that calling to work on it. And then my husband and I sat down and we were like, we are gonna give this everything we have for one year. One year we are going to go to therapy, we're going to put in all the work. We got off all socials. We, you know, really, when you're in that low rock bottom, it puts everything into perspective of what matters in life and what doesn't.
Right. We think stupid things matter, like what car we drive or what clothes we wear. In reality, when you know, somebody in your family is sick or you know, you're facing divorce, that stuff doesn't matter. So we really just put in the work and then it, it saved us. Jesus was in our life and saved us. And, and that is really what happened with us. So, and I'm so grateful for that because, you know, there were, there were days when my husband would walk through the door after work and my kids run to him and give him a hug. You know, that sweet moment where my heart was just like, that was the right decision. This is the best part of my day. You know, we were so close to losing this, but this is a beautiful thing that we have. So,
Joey Odom (16:21):
Gosh, that's, I think that is, thank you for opening up about that. I think that's, that's probably more relatable than most couples would like to talk about. That's, that's real life. And, and it's, and, and that, again, that opens up the opportunity for people to just be honest. And like you said earlier, just living authentically. That's, that's, that's not easy to talk about with, you know, on a podcast where people you don't know are gonna listen to it. Or maybe even people you do know are <laugh>. Right. The worst people you do know are gonna listen to it. Well,
Kellie Henry (16:47):
And on the internet, people are so willing to just share their feelings about you. You know, they're just like, ugh, willing to give you their 2 cents on everything.
Joey Odom (16:57):
<laugh>, isn't that amazing? I mean, I'm ju is, that's just, that's amazing. You're doing a silly dance and people are just gonna say whatever they want. It's the, the, the, the trolls are real. I actually, that leads into a question I was gonna ask a little bit later, but I'm, I'm, I'm curious, being in a public, you talk about it, you're 10 year mark and now you're at 17 years and you know, from years 15 to 17 you've been more prominent, you've been more visible, which you're portraying something on a camera, and then obviously, but there's life, you know, behind the camera mm-hmm. <affirmative>. How, what, what additional maybe strain has that put on your marriage? Um, if at all? In being visible and, and maintaining a, a persona that people know, but also having to continue to do the hard work.
Kellie Henry (17:40):
So, you know, when we started and getting on it, when we decided to both get on, you know, the social media stuff, we had a discussion before because of what we went through, right? Our family is first, no matter what our marriage is first, this has to be a happy thing, a fun thing. We have to agree, we have to work through things. You know, there are some times where we record something and I'm just like, I don't like that. I don't like, you know, I can see the other side of what people are gonna say and I'll just be like, I'm not willing to post that. And, and my husband understands. And he'll be like, okay. And so really just being open and having uncomfortable conversations, being willing to have those uncomfortable conversations with my spouse, with my kids. We're really just trying to communicate all the time, um, before stuff we even get to those points of things, if that makes sense.
But it is, it's, it's, it's a hard balance to do that. And, you know, people see a lot of content from us, but we do a lot of batch content, which is we, you know, take an hour or two hours on the weekend and we record 20 videos, and then we draft them and we save them and we spread 'em out through the week so that, you know, we have set up times. There's a live option where you go live on your stuff. And we wouldn't ever do that until our kids were in bed. Like, we won't go live until our kids are in bed because we don't wanna take away from our family time. So we've had to be very intentional from the beginning of making sure that we're not just consistently on our phones because it can consume you. Yeah. And that's the algorithm and how they set up all these platforms is to just continually scroll. They want you on there as long as possible, <laugh>. And so if you're not intentional about it and working at it, and, you know, we, we're not perfect. We have our days and our moments where we're like, okay, we were on our phones too much today. We need to be better with the kids tomorrow. Let's put our phones away.
Joey Odom (19:54):
It, it's an amazing balance that you're, that you're striking there. Um, and we're gonna get into some practical stuff on how you do that because it's, it's, it is pretty amazing. And I think that when we look at it, I'd be curious what you think of this, and I think you'll agree, but it's almost, you know, the iPhone's been with us for 15 years and, you know, social media just, you know, not that entire time, or at least not in the prominence it has, it is now. Yeah. Especially TikTok. But I think when people, because it's such a difficult topic, people look at it in binary terms, it's, I'm pro tech or I'm anti-tech, I'm pro-social media, I'm anti-social media. And it doesn't a factor in the nuance to it. And I think that's what you all are doing really, really well. Would, would you a agree with that? That that's kind of the, the general view is it's good or it's bad versus Yes. Hey, maybe there's some shades of gray in here.
Kellie Henry (20:40):
Yes. I feel exactly that. Where with everything across the board in our world right now, not only just tech, but the world thinks everything is black and white. Like every decision, like every situation you get into, oh, it would be that easy. I would do this. Or I ca you know what I mean? There is a gray area. We have to be willing to have empathy and to see the situation for what it is. And we don't know that until we're in it. You know? And, and that's, you know, when we first started TikTok, people were like, oh my gosh, I can't believe you're doing that. That's such garbage. That's such trash. And I, and I wanna be like, if you are looking for garbage and you are looking for trash, you will find it
Joey Odom (21:23):
Kellie Henry (21:24):
You will find it. If you're scrolling and you see a girl shaking it with barely
Kellie Henry (21:30):
Kellie Henry (21:30):
<laugh>, and you watch that and you like that and you comment on that, you're gonna get more of it. Guess what you're gonna see? You're gonna see more of that. You wanna know what I'm watching? I see therapy stuff. I see food, TikTok, I see cleaning TikTok, I see family TikTok, I see dancing, you know, and so there's, there's an area for everything, but people just categorize and put people in these boxes, right? And tech is the same way. And people are just so passionate about it. Don't get me started on like Apple or Sam Android, right? Like, it's like they believe really hard about it.
Joey Odom (22:04):
People do believe, and I'm
Kellie Henry (22:05):
Just like, okay guys. Like there's good in everything. So I That's
Joey Odom (22:11):
So true. Yeah.
It really is. It, it's, it's, um, it's such an interesting topic and you're right. And it go, it, it pervades everything in, in culture in society as it's one way or the other. I always, I always like to think, especially, you know, during Covid, people just had, I think, you know, you'd see a post like, you know, how did I bet you didn't know that your, all of your high school friends were epidemiologists and were race experts and were, cuz everybody had a very definitive yes, yes. Opinion. Yes. And so, you know, and I, I think just be very wary of people who give simple solutions to complex problems. Like, well, if they would just, I mean, you gotta be, when everybody starts out a sentence that says, well, if, if they would just, you'd be real careful about whatever they say next.
Kellie Henry (22:49):
Well, yes. Think about it. Before you were a parent, right? And I'm guilty of this. Like, I would never do that as a parent for
Joey Odom (22:56):
Kellie Henry (22:58):
Like, I am sorry until you are a parent, you don't understand those things. Like you can say that you're gonna do or whatever. And until you're in that, you don't really get it. So it's, it's just that exactly. Like people just need a little bit more empathy and to see both sides.
Joey Odom (23:18):
Yeah, that's right. I think empathy, that, that is such a great word there. I'm curious how, how on earth, so again, you, I I, the, the videos that you've, the content you put out really is endless. How do you not only just produce it, I get pretty, but how in the world do you think of it? How do you think of so much content? And all of them are hilarious. They're fun, they're silly, they require, you know, good production quality, but like how on earth do you think of all the content?
Kellie Henry (23:43):
It ebbs and flows, like it's a rollercoaster. There are times where we are like super creative and we could go like in that batch content, like, I have so many ideas, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this. And then we have like rider's block where we are very not creative and we have to really think. So then we'll usually scroll or go to people who we love, who, you know, might have good ideas and, and to try to get inspiration. And honestly, there are times if we're not feeling it, we just take a little break because I don't, I don't wanna do it if it's not fun. I don't wanna do it if it's not gonna add value or something. So I feel like you can see that if I'm not genuinely in it or loving it in the videos, we, we notice that pretty quick if we were just doing it to do it to get something out.
So we just try to, when we, we've learned that when we are in that creative mode and we are feeling it to go with it and to really get a bunch and then, and then that leaves us for a day where if I'm having a bad day or a crazy day with the kids and stuff, like I have a video that I can post. So, and my husband and I, we, last January, we combined our accounts. So we each had, at the beginning we each had our own accounts and we were doing it and it was a lot to do two, you know, and try to grow two accounts. So by combining into one, um, you know, the o Henry's, then we were able to, if he's having a crazy day at work, I'm there. And if I'm having a crazy day with the kids, he can do it. So it, it has been, that has really helped with our balance in that. So it's been really good.
Aro Team Member (25:32):
We hope you're enjoying the show. Let's take a quick moment to hear from one of our members about how Aro is impacting their life.
Aro Member (25:39):
The boys absolutely know that the ro ro means that dad is gonna be dad. Our four year old came to me and I was in my office on my phone and he said, um, can I watch the pad? And I said, no, it's not pad time. And he said, but dad, you watch your pad all day, which is, is my phone. And that was such a heavy moment because it's a hundred percent true. It's those moments that drive me to be a better father. So I immediately put my phone in the Aro box and I went outside and we played football because all the kid wants is love and play from his father. And that's what I want, but I need accountability to be able to get to that place.
Joey Odom (26:22):
You're, you all are so intentional about tech and you know, and you, you mentioned some of it earlier and, and we'll get, you have these great five tips that we we're gonna talk about here in, in a little bit. But I'm curious, the, you're so intentional with family tech and it seems like it's such good fodder for something more. I mean, what doing, I'm sure you would've thought if I had asked you three years ago, you would've laughed if I said, Hey, you're gonna be a viral sensation. But so what is, when you think of like, what's the next challenge? Like what's the, what's that next? I mean, is it a parenting book? Is it, have you guys talked about something like that? I mean, said you're so freaking intentional about everything you do. What, what do you think that next challenge might be? Or stuff that you've talked about that's crazy.
Kellie Henry (27:03):
Yeah, this year we have some big goals that we're wanting to do. We want to maybe, you know, start doing longer YouTube videos on helping families, like with marriage advice, parenting advice, things we do as a family to stay connected. Just, you know, family is our passion and what we're wanting to share with everybody. And I feel like now is a good time because people have been able to watch our family over a few years to see who we are, but then kind of giving the behind the scenes of what we do to keep that and to stay intentional and to stay connected with our kids. So we'll see what happens. But I'll, I'll let you know for sure. But yeah,
Joey Odom (27:47):
Kellie Henry (27:47):
Do. We have, we have some things in the works that we're trying to get out there. So
Joey Odom (27:52):
Listen, I will subscribe to that YouTube channel. <laugh>, I'll buy the, I'll buy the first copy of the o Henry's book. I'll, I'll, that's so amazing. I'll be first in line. I'm telling you. Um, what, what is the, um, oh, I do wanna talk about your five tips. And th this is, um, and I don't know, I heard you do a talk at the, uh, I am mom summit, which was Yeah. Which was so great. It was, so again, just like with a lot of the stuff you're talking about here, you're talking concepts and ambition related things, but then there are very practical things behind it. Do you, do you remember that? Do you remember that talk? I'm sure at I am mom. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. I, I'd love for you if you, if you have it at the top of your brain, I'd love to hear those five tips when he's talking about, hey, here's how we really engage with our family, with tech. Um, and I can remind you, I haven't written down here, but I see if that'd
Joey Odom (28:34):
Joey Odom (28:34):
<laugh>, the, the first one first,
Kellie Henry (28:36):
I, lemme pull it up really
Joey Odom (28:37):
Quick. Hold on a sec. <laugh>, the first one was, was all about conversations about tech. I'd love to hear that your first tip around healthy family tech is like, you just have those, have those family conversations. Tell us about what that, that, that might look like.
Kellie Henry (28:49):
Yeah, so, you know, from my kids being really young and I, and watching technology unfold, I've been terrified as a mom for like the point where my kids start to get into it just because you read all the horror stories, you see all the things, and now, now there's all these statistics about how tech can be bad for kids, you know? And um, so we've just, I've really been putting in my kids' ears and talking about it, you know, and our house, our kids aren't allowed to watch YouTube without a parent in the room because, you know, they were watching, my girls loved Frozen when they were little and I remember having YouTube on and they were, uh, watching, which I didn't understand because they were watching Elsa Barbie dolls, people play with them when we literally had those exact same Barbies, you know, <laugh>. But then on the side I was like, you guys could just play with them, you know, instead of watching.
But, um, you know, on the side there were all these adult women dressed up as Disney princesses and they'd click on those videos and then those videos would come up and they'd be like swearing and, you know, sexual innu innuendos and things like that. And so, you know, we just kind of were like, we're not doing that and, and explaining why. And um, and then I was started, then that really started me researching. I would go to parenting stuff, seminars, um, things of how to find that balance before I got to that point because I wanted to be prepared before my kids got to that age. So I really dived in and researched and have been learning and it's, it's been a thing for me. So, um, just being aware when my kids are like Kate, when you get a phone, like you are not gonna have social media, I'm just telling you right now, your brains aren't developed. It's not gonna happen yet. You need to wait a little bit till you're a little older and you're ready.
Joey Odom (30:59):
Yeah. So are they, and are they receptive to that? I mean, do they, do they I'm sure they do. They, I'm sure they push back a little bit, but
Kellie Henry (31:04):
Yeah. Yeah, they push back. I mean, we are a normal family and my kids are normal kids and it's, it's hard when every other kid out there has it, you know? And so, you know, we started our kids off with a gab and then this Christmas, my oldest, she, you know, got an iPhone for the first time. And so we are constantly doing this, okay, well what can you have on there? What, what do we feel comfortable with? And so we're constantly having those conversations, um, which is great because it helps us always be, I want them to be open so that when, cuz it's gonna happen when they see stuff, when somebody says something that they're willing to come talk to us, that they know it's an open space because we've been having conversations throughout the years.
Joey Odom (31:49):
I love that second thing you have, which I thought was, I highly subscribe to this, but, but I like, cuz it's, it's so practical is is just to have a family charging station. What, how did that come about? Yeah. What's, what's the, um, and and how have you seen the benefit of that? How does that fit into to a family's life? Why is it important?
Kellie Henry (32:07):
Um, we love our charging station. Uh, we, you know, I researched and learned that phones and bedrooms is not good for kids and the g they need their sleep and they need their safe place. Like, I want my house to be like this haven, right? I want it to be safe. Our kids go to school when we were younger, right when we came home, we could just like turn on our cartoons and eat our cold cereal and just get away from the day like the bullies and the mean people. And now it's constantly coming into the house, you know what I mean? And so I just want them to have like this safe place and then it's easier for me to have a charging station with everything plugged in. I can check it at night and make sure all everybody's stuff is there and we're, it can help us with, you know, balancing our screen time. Now, don't talk to me about screen time right now because it's winter in Utah and
Joey Odom (33:07):
Kellie Henry (33:07):
I'm just like, you guys are playing way too much video games right now. Yeah.
Joey Odom (33:11):
Yes, exactly. Covering your eyes. Yeah,
Kellie Henry (33:13):
I don't, I don't see it, you know, but, um, but just, I don't want my girls to have their phones in their rooms at night.
Joey Odom (33:19):
You're, you're totally right. The science, even just on the, the sleep itself. I mean, not, not the, not even just the content. I mean, even if they're, even if they're looking at, even if they were watching, you know, frozen or whatever it was. Yeah, your daughter's too old for that now, but, but even that, just the loss of sleep itself, that's such a, a terrible spiral. It puts not not just adults, but Kevin especially kids into that spiral of just losing sleep in and of itself. Yeah.
Kellie Henry (33:43):
And my daughter was asked me, you know, why can't I have my phone in my room? Because she had a gab phone at the time. She's like, I can't do anything on it. And I said, you know what? Because their phone was in my room at night, they'd plug it into my room. And I said, you get text messages at 10:00 PM at night from your friends. Like, you can text and call your friends, have access to you even though you can't do the other things. You know, they have access to you. So it's just, we want you to go to sleep, we need you to be disconnected. And, and it's, it's been good to watch because my girls will put their phones down on their own because they're used to that. They want that space sometimes. So it's, it's a balance though, and it's constantly working out every day, you know. For
Joey Odom (34:30):
Sure. Absolutely. Um, you also talked about screen-free family dinners. That was one of your third ones. Uh, uh, talk, again, a very, very practical thing. All of us can do it. Um, talk about that and where you've seen the benefit in that.
Kellie Henry (34:43):
Um, the benefit in that for us is just not being distracted. Not having that distraction and being present with our family. Uh, we don't get a lot of time, especially during the school year, and kids are busy with their activities to sit down as a family and how important that is to do family dinners together. So we wanna be able to talk about that. And I think what started it for us too was my husband, he, his job that he works is 24 7. It's not like it closes at 5:00 PM you know, and so you, we kind of started it with him to be like, you need to put your phone down, you know, put it on do not disturb or something to, but then your numbers that you, that if it's an emergency they can get through. But, you know, there's constant stuff with his work always on his phone. So we kind of started it because we were like, dad <laugh>, you know, we'll put a phone away and then, and for me, you know, just having your phone there, it's crazy. That's why I love the box right, is because if your phone's even there just out of habit, we'd grab it and pick it up out of boredom. And now our kids hold us accountable.
Joey Odom (35:51):
Isn't that the best and the worst? They just, it is. You know, it is. It's just, I mean, they, and you know what I find? This is what I always find, this is always my check for myself. If I find myself being defensive, I know I'm immediately in the wrong. Well, I'm just, I start rationalizing. Well, it's just, just, and what does that mean to, you know, my, my kids are 14 and 12 now, but especially when they were younger. My six year old, my daughter when she was six, she didn't know the difference between an important email versus a group text versus a cat video on <laugh>. I've been watching on, on, on YouTube or whatever it is. Like, she just, to her, all she knew was dad's not present with me, right? Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And so that's, that's a pretty important distinction in her. There's no distinction to me. It's like I start to rationalize the distinction and then you, I realize I sound like an idiot and I just
Kellie Henry (36:38):
Present my kids and love you. Say that. Like, I need to incorporate that. If I'm feeling defensive, then I know that I'm in the wrong. That's my reaction, right? I, I must have been triggered by something. And when we're on our phones, we have less patience with our kids. Do you notice that? Like, if I'm st scrolling, I'm like, oh, why are you asking? Like, why are you asking me a question? Oh wait, I'm your mom. Yeah. You need snack. Yeah, you need food. I should probably feed you, right? Yeah,
Joey Odom (37:02):
Kellie Henry (37:02):
So it's just crazy how our patience with our kids can be affected with having those screens constantly in our faces.
Joey Odom (37:11):
That's such an interesting. I had not thought of it that way. You're right. It does reduce our own capacity and patience for, for something else that, that really is true. It takes you outta the moment. And I did it, Kelly, I did it the other night. I think about this stuff all the time. I mean, you know, we've talked about it a ton. I, I'm sitting there, my phone's in, in the arrow box and I take it out and I'm literally, this is embarrassing to say I'm talking to my daughter and mid-sentence, I stop ta I just look at something and I stop talking and my daughter gives me about four seconds and she said, Hey dad, are you gonna finish your sentence <laugh>? I said, oh my gosh, I'm being, I'm being such a hypocrite. She goes, yeah, you are, you are being a hypocrite. Which is hilarious, but it's great. Like that's the best thing they can do. Yes, it is. And you invite that as a parent to say yes. And that's what I, you know, I love, I do, I do love that. And it's back to your first one, the family conversations. It gives them license to give you crap when you're, when you're being a hypocrite
Kellie Henry (38:02):
And it's intentional. Like, like you said, you do this every day. And this is my passion is teaching families and I talk to my kids about it nonstop. I want them to be intentional at home. If I'm not working at it consistently every day, of course it's so easy to fall back. Right? So it's takes work.
Joey Odom (38:21):
Yeah, it does. That's the theme here. It does the, the things that are important. Take work. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, you also do, which is cool. You, you also have just the, the screen and social media breaks the days off. Yeah. What does that look like? How does, how do you all put that into practice?
Kellie Henry (38:37):
Yeah, we, you know, over, it's been two and a half, almost three years since we've been, you know, doing this. And there's been many times where we just feel not good about it. We just feel gross. We feel not excited. And, and I lean into that, okay, I'm filling that we need a break. We need to, you know, and we don't announce it or anything. It's not like, Hey, we're gonna take a week break or whatever, <laugh>. But it's really good for us to do that occasionally to when we fill it, when we get that feeling that we need to. Um, so, and that's what we're trying to, it's been better as we are trying to intentionally balance it better. We don't feel like we have that as much, um, because it's not as consuming because you can, you know, put it away, separate it. And, and that was part of our journey too, is figuring out, okay, this is not like real life. This isn't everything we need to put it in its space, be here. So, mm.
Joey Odom (39:41):
I love that. And then the other side of your fifth tip, which this is freaking genius to me. This is, so we just talked about your, your screen breaks, then you have family screen nights, so where you say, Hey, we're we're doing the screens the tonight. That that, that to me, I think is brilliant. Why did you, how did you think of that? Why did you think of that? What does that look like? I love that one.
Kellie Henry (40:02):
Yeah. It's, it's so fun. It's so fun and it, and it gives you a chance to see what your kids are doing. It gives you a chance to understand and to be passionate, like what they're passionate about getting involved in that means everything to them. So I think it started with video games with my boys playing and my husband playing with them.
Joey Odom (40:24):
<laugh>, no. So that's why he just wanted to play. But Dan just wanted play video, video games, right?
Kellie Henry (40:28):
<laugh>. But they had so much fun. And the boys, my little boys lit up. And then after my husband was just like, that was the funnest thing ever. I would love to play with them more. And so, you know, then my girls got that Oculus virtual reality thing. And I, I wanna know what that's like. So, you know, we're in there doing the drums and the rock climbing and all of that stuff, and it's just fun. And we cast it as a family on the screen and it brings us together. And it's so great to not be, you know, the nagging mom all the time. You know, it's, it's constantly, you know, trying to find the balance of, okay, you know, probably time to be off of the screens. Let's do something different. You know, what, what are you up to on your phone? You know, we're feel like we're constantly nagging. And so it's fun to, to just have fun with your kids and to be involved in what they're doing.
Joey Odom (41:23):
And it makes them <laugh> and it makes them like you more. I'm sure. Like, it's, it's not all, you know, I, I'm sure my kids get a little tired of me talking about screens and I gotta be careful not to just harp on it so much. Cuz the nagging, nagging is not fun for the nagger and it's not fun for the right, you know, the naggy either they don't like, and so it's just, it, it wears everybody out and then it gives your kids a better appreciation. I, this, that to me is a brilliant one. It's just a fun and I
Kellie Henry (41:47):
Love it. Yeah. And I love it because then when they are doing it by themselves, I know exactly what they're doing. You know what I mean? When they're saying I'm playing this game or whatever it might be, I've been there and done it with him, and I'm like, and I feel more confident about it. And then if there's some part about it that we don't, like, we make adjustments. You know, we Roblox, our kids used to play Roblox and then, you know, we kind of cut that off after diving into it a little bit, you know, and it's a good thing, us as parents, we have to know what our kids are doing. We have to be in it and see it as much as I would like to not, you know,
Joey Odom (42:29):
It's important. Well, that this is where, and this must be a superpower of yours. You were, you mentioned the word empathy before, and that's that sound. This is another version of it, is just getting on your kids' level and not expecting them to come to you, you going to them and having that empathy. What a, what a great gift you can give them. Because in doing that, you're telling your kids that you accept them and, and then they feel good about themselves. And that makes them more open to, to the next, you know, hard conversation or whatever it is. Or to opening, opening up with you. That's again, you guys need to write a book. This is, this is screenshot.
Kellie Henry (43:01):
I appreciate that. You're absolutely, that was a great compliment. Thank you.
Joey Odom (43:04):
Well, it's very, very true. And I, I bet you'd know that about yourself on the empathy, because it is, it, it's very apparent. Um, last question for you, and it's open-ended. Um, so you go whatever direction you want with it. I'm, uh, you know, The Aro Podcast is, is conversations with people who strive to live intentionally. So what, what does intentionality mean to you?
Kellie Henry (43:25):
Intentionality to me means having a purpose, having a vision, having a goal, and every day working towards that, you know, of, is this what I'm doing right now, going to get me to where I wanna be? Because in this world, with all the distractions, with all the things, we could just be like zombies, right? We could put on Netflix for hours, we could, you know, do these things. But our actions, right? Our actions, what, what actions are we taking to live intentionally to get to where we want to be? You know? And I'm a firm believer, like if I'm not comfortable or if I'm not where I wanna be, I'm gonna research and learn and fix a problem and, and do what I need to do to get to where I wanna be. You don't have to be stuck in wherever you're at, you know, we have that power in our lives to, to make the best of everything, to get out of it, to grow from that.
But it's so, it's hard work and it's easier to almost sit in it right? And, and complain and to deal with that. So, I mean, trust me, it's a lot easier to not care what my kids are doing on their phones instead of checking it and being involved. It's so much easier for me to just be like, I'm just gonna sit here and do my thing. You do your thing, you know, and I'm just gonna trust that's easier. It's harder to be intentional and to work towards that. So I feel like it's just being present every day in what your actions are doing.
Joey Odom (45:00):
That's so good. It really is. And I love that when we, you know, it, what I loved about the, for you, it's not just having that, it's the combination of, of knowing where you're going, but to your point, the action behind it, it's, you know, in, in tension without action. Like what that's, that just is, you know, is just potential not kinetic energy. So that's, that's a, uh, that's really strong, that combination of the two. I love that. Um, two things. One, I'm, we're, I want you and Dan on in, in a few months. I, I want to go, I want to go, if you guys are willing to, I want to go deep into the marriage stuff because that's, that's such an important topic. It's, it's, um, that's really, really great, great stuff. And again, thank you for being open there. Um, everybody's gonna want to go check you out on Instagram, TikTok, everything. Where can people find you? What's the best way to connect with you all on, on your social channels?
Kellie Henry (45:52):
Yeah, we would love to have you guys come connect with us. We're, we're pretty cool. We're pretty fun,
Joey Odom (45:57):
Pretty cool. I can, I can firsthand, I can say pretty cool <laugh>.
Kellie Henry (46:02):
So we're the oh.henrys on Instagram, on TikTok and on YouTube, and then on Facebook. We just got on Facebook and we're Dan & Kellie Henry. So I'm
Joey Odom (46:12):
Facebook, Dan, that's Kellie, i-e, Dan, Kellie Henry and oh.henry's, yes. Oh, h e n r y s. Yes. We'll put that in the show description as well. Okay. Thank you, Kelly. You're just the best. Thank you. So you're the So best Joey. No, you're the best. <laugh>. This's fun. And we really, I've really, yeah, this has been fun and really valuable. I mean fun and also just very, very deep and authentic. So thank you Kelly. Really, really
Kellie Henry (46:38):
Appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me. It was such an honor to be here.
Joey Odom (46:41):
Kellie Henry, ladies and gentlemen, wasn't she great? That was fun. It was funny, it was real. And we get into some real stuff there. And I do have a great announcement here. Dan and Kellie Henry have launched their own podcast. She kind of teased it out there in the recording. They weren't quite ready to announce, but they have just launched a podcast called The Marriage Comeback Podcast. And they get real in there. They talk about how to fight to save their marriage, the story that they went through to fight, to save their marriage, the struggles and triumphs, married life and parenting. It's a must. Listen, the first episode is already out. It will come out every Wednesday. So do go check out the Marriage Comeback podcast with Dan and Kellie Henry, and also check out the Henrys on Instagram, TikTok oh.henrys. Thank you once for joining The Aro Podcast. Hey, do me a favor, will you go out, will you give The Aro Podcast a five? Wherever you listen to podcasts, go, go to five drop a review. We'd really appreciate that if you're enjoying what you're hearing. And once again, thank you so much for joining us here on The Aro Podcast. The Aro Podcast is produced and edited by the team at Palm Tree Pod Co. Special thanks to Emily Miles for video and digital support.