#75 - I wish my husband knew I struggle with my identity

June 25, 2024
Mistye Wilson

Episode Summary

I Wish My Husband Knew is back on The Aro Podcast with Aro Co-Founder Joey and Mistye Wilson, the wife of Aro Co-Founder Heath! This week, Mistye opens up about her struggle with identity, particularly as a stay-at-home mom with two kids about to head off to college. Mistye explains that identity struggles are an ongoing process that occur at every stage of a child's life—from elementary to high school. Joey asks Mistye to share how her identity has shifted throughout these stages, leading her to recount how she discussed these struggles with her husband and how he responded. They then dive into the concept of ruminating on feelings and the reality that our feelings can sometimes deceive us. Mistye wraps up the episode by highlighting the impact of finding an external life coach or mentor as a mom and the power of saying who you are.

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Episode Transcript

Mistye Wilson  0:00  

So this isn't just one where I kind of lose an identity and kind of easily kind of come into another one. This one is I've got a search for it. This didn't just fall in my lap, like now. Okay, so what is my identity? I didn't just come right into the role of mom from teacher. I didn't just come right into the role of, you know, trying to be at the school every chance I could get an elementary school and being a teacher helper. This one is things are stopping. And where do I start? It's a new beginning. So while it seems negative, when I say I struggle, it's also really positive and super exciting.

Joey Odom  0:42  

Welcome back to The ARO podcast. Hey, it's your good friend, Joey Odom, and you are here for I'm gonna say it miss the it's my favorite time of the month. It is I wish my husband knew. I want to introduce you listeners. For those of you who know her if you've been here before, you're so happy to see her and hear from her. For those of you who are new. This is Mistye Wilson, this is the wife of Heath Wilson, my covenant friend misty and Heath. And they and we've taken we take little time every month to discuss to have the conversations or at least to start the conversation that marriages might need to have right so this is this is for the the the awkward conversations or the tough conversations, you may not know how to bring up your spouse that we bring up for you. We do nothing with twist. You're

Mistye Wilson  1:31  

welcome. Twist the twist is is that I would say that I come prepared. Not really that prepared. But that Joey has no idea. No, I'm

Joey Odom  1:43  

gonna say just generally, I have no idea. Generally, you

Mistye Wilson  1:45  

have no idea. I mean, you you know that it's I wish my husband knew something. Yeah. You You don't know what I'm bringing to the table today. Literally this tiny little round table.

Joey Odom  1:55  

to it. Yeah, you are bringing so I have no idea what it is you have thought of and written down notes on a topic. And I like the clueless husband, I am very often, I'm not going to figure out what the heck you're talking about. Our hope will say one more time, our hope is for you to have a conversation with your partner with your spouse to take this, send it on to your spouse and have that conversation figure out what's true for you. This is our experience is may not be universally true, it's probably not universally true. But it's something for us and you can you can talk about what's true for you what's not true and have that conversation that we have begun for you. So I'm going to for several seconds, which is uncomfortable for me to be quiet. I'm gonna be quiet for several seconds while you you kick us off.

Mistye Wilson  2:41  

Okay, so I had one in mind that I had prepared for today. And I was pretty excited about it. We even we had dinner with you and Kristin Friday night. Yep. And I knew what I was going to do. I was excited about it change up, guess what? But an hour and a half ago, I changed it. Wow. Because I felt like the season right now lends itself to this conversation. So I wish my husband knew that I struggle with my identity. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. So I know for me as a stay at home mom. And you know, I can pick through this bit by bit. But right now, especially in my life, I'm struggling with my identity. It's because of that two kids that are graduated, just as of a week ago. I have one that's just sort of driving as of two weeks ago. And I have my youngest who is going into eighth grade. And she's at an amazing boarding school, but I'm not always there with her. So my Season of Life is changing quickly. Like almost overnight is how it feels. And I know that this is not just true for moms of graduates, but it's true of you know, I have a couple of friends who they through texts, they're shocked that oh my goodness, I don't have any middle schoolers anymore. My kids are all in high school now. Or oh my goodness, I don't have an elementary aged kid anymore. They're all Middle School in high school now. So there's a shift every time with how a mom goes through a transition and we have to reorient ourselves and figure out a new identity even though we're still mom. There's a new identity with each one and I do you think when you've got kids graduating, it's a whole shake up.

Joey Odom  4:35  

I feel like this one This got me already a little emotional. I can see that. Gosh All right. Gather my my emotions and my thoughts here. Tomorrow. You know, tomorrow is Harrison's 16th birthday. So Harrison and Zane are within weeks of each other. And so he turned 16 And there is there's just you know, go My little boy, right? And you think about how limited the time is that we have. I'm curious when it comes to identity. Will you talk through maybe for the husbands for me? Will you explain what your identity has been doing? Just Just take us take us to a very basic level when you talk about your identity? What is what does that actually mean? Yeah.

Mistye Wilson  5:23  

So I gotta go back way back in time, when Ethan I first got married. So as a woman, you take on a whole new name, truly, our identity has changed. So that's one, and we don't really think about it. And honestly, I was so excited about it, I still am I welcomed my new identity as a wife. I also in that in the service that we had for our and I'm looking it up right now, in the service that we had when we were saying our vows. I also quoted Ruth When Ruth was speaking to Naomi, her mother in law. And the quote was, Do not ask me to leave you and to turn from following you for wherever you go, I will go, where you lodge, I will lodge your people, the my people and your God, My God, where you die, I will die. And there I'll be buried may the Lord do so to me, and also more, if anything, but death parts you for me. And I quoted that date because I was so excited about my new identity as his wife and entrusting him because I know he's a Christ follower. So that's part of our, you know, that's part of who we are. I knew I could follow him because of who he follows. So that's the identity first, and it just keeps going from there for me. And Heath. We're fortunate enough where I could be a stay at home mom. But I taught school for seven years. And I loved it. My full identity was in teaching, I was a teacher. So when someone asked me, I could talk about teaching. It was my job. I went and got my master's in leadership because I love leading I wanted to lead a school I wanted to lead kids, I wanted to lead people. And then once I had those two little squirrel babies that their skin was translucent and Maddox look like an old wrinkly little man, like, all of that went away. It all went away. And for heighth. We got home, you know, the babies got home and he went back to work. That was his identity. He has really his identity didn't change. He just added dad. Yeah. To the picture.

Joey Odom  7:38  

Mm hmm. Whereas yours was replaced. completely replaced in an instant. Yes.

Mistye Wilson  7:44  

No longer teacher. Mom, right, replaced it. And that's great. It's great. But women keep going through that as we go through. So we're constantly changing and moving. And then I think once it gets to this point, as a mom, when you've got older kids, you have to look back and think oh, okay, who am I? That's right. Who was I? Yeah. Which I'm not a teacher anymore, and I won't be in the future. Yeah. But who am I?

Joey Odom  8:16  

I'm curious. What Who were you before you got for you and Heath met? Who were you? What was your identity leading up to? Like, maybe growing up? Did you go through identity transitions prior was it you're probably you're probably like, funny, like, funny, hilarious, Misty,

Mistye Wilson  8:34  

outgoing, was a good student. I loved my teachers. I loved friends. I was pretty independent. Not too much of a pain from my parents. I'm a little rough for them. You know? So yeah, I was independent. I was I felt like I was fun. And I was funny. And I loved life and people and

Joey Odom  8:58  

yeah, so when you got in, so when you got married, and again, this is just me processing through and thinking through all of this. When you got married, you didn't have a full identity replacement. You did take on a new name, but you were still teacher, you were still hilarious. You're still friend, not that you're not any of those things. Now you and your wife, but when you became mom, it was a complete transplant. Yes. And then so it was it was like, and so I'm curious throughout your and now you are I mean, you think you have four kids and then all of a sudden 50% of them are leaving the house, right? I mean, like Yes. How you got recent medics both will be out of the house when the school year starts in the fall. So have you gone through I know this is the most drastic, but what are the stages throughout your life as mom where you've maybe had some other transitions like have you been through something like this where you feel like it's you've had to like cling to what your identity is or figure out what it is? Yes.

Mistye Wilson  9:53  

So when he's first company, took off and went global When he was traveling to London a lot, it was like, Hey, let's, let's all move to London, which I thought Absolutely. And I would done it all over again a million times because it was the coolest thing. But when we moved to London and his his, you know, business got bigger, so he could traveled all those little countries like all around well, my friends were gone. I had my kids. And okay, so who am I? Now that I'm in this big city? I know no one. So who am I? And that's when I started blogging, which I enjoyed doing a lot. But that was really kind of finding myself making each day matter. And keeping track of what in the world was going on every day while we're there.

Joey Odom  10:44  

Can you tell a quick story of your best friend in London? My

Mistye Wilson  10:48  

best friend in London, David David. Yeah. So David was this amazing homeless guy who just, it was love at first sight. For us. It really was we had just taken our kids they worked on, you know, I don't know if it was that they were partying or good manners or what was going on. But they earned enough stars that we went to, you know, we loaded on a double decker bus and we went downtown, and they got to pick out a little prize from the Disney Store. And so as we were getting off the bus to come back to our flat, we crossed this guy who had kind of seen him before. And we walked past him it was pouring rain, actually, I think was even starting to snow. It was cold, really cold. And so when we walked into our flat, actually, I think my kids may have said hi to him as we were getting off the bus. And he was so kind like just there in the frozen cold and went inside. And I told hey, that I need gloves. I need some socks I need and so we gathered up warm items and an umbrella. And I took it out to him and I got up under the umbrella with him. And we talked for just a little bit and we became best friends. So then we had soup on some days. The first day I messed up and got him a panini and he smelled his big ol Toothless smile. And oh, yeah, he called me his star. And he said that he enjoyed the Panini. But maybe next time soon. We had soup from then on. Yeah,

Joey Odom  12:24  

guys. That is I just love that story. There's a lot more to it. But I love that. So back to the issue at hand when it comes to so you've gone through I'm sorry, you had gone through a little bit of that, that identity search in in London. And notice that what you said at the beginning is that I struggle with my identity. So I want to separate two things. If I can there's that sounds like the way you phrase phrased it is sounds like that's an ongoing process versus and in what's also what's true at the same time is you are currently struggling with your identity because of the transition you're in. Can you talk generally about especially for a stay at home? Mom, this is your perspective. What is that constant struggle with identity? Like, in that it?

Mistye Wilson  13:15  

Can I cannot pull your hair? That's a little bit.

Joey Odom  13:19  

There's a gray.

Mistye Wilson  13:19  

It's probably gray. No, it's

Joey Odom  13:21  

fine. It was great. No, no, that was a great. That was a gray hair dangling from my more easily. I don't know, do I just Oh, I see your gray hair.

Mistye Wilson  13:30  

That was okay.

Joey Odom  13:31  

I don't want to cut that. By the way. We're gonna keep that people need to know. Sure. There's a lot of gray hair friends. Yes, that's right. All

Mistye Wilson  13:38  

right. Yeah. So it talks about the continued struggle now.

Joey Odom  13:42  

Yeah, well, yeah, just like it maybe in general as the state because Christians talked about this. You just like, you know, when the kids all of a sudden when when they were less hands on, they went to middle school now, both with me in high school next year. It's just like, Well, what do I do now? Like, who am I? So it's like, Well, you talk about that kind of ongoing struggle with identity or am I contributing to the household like, it's just less tangible, you're not getting paid for all the great work you're doing? I would just love to hear about that for may not be able to

Mistye Wilson  14:11  

identity now has been for you know, 18 years, mom, and that's an amazing identity. I love it. I will always be that. But as 50% of my children have graduated, and then we've got my sweet little echo. And she boards at a school. Zayn is in the house and he's 16 Yeah, so I don't take kids to school anymore. I you know, we do dinners at night but it'll be three of us at dinner. So our highs and lows in the evening are going to be poor Zane. They'll be all about Zane. Does

Joey Odom  14:46  

at playing catch with himself in the backyard. You're gonna love it.

Mistye Wilson  14:50  

He's gonna love it. So it's changing. So yes, while I am still mom. This season is opening up more for me. And I could sit there and you know the word struggle like I am struggling with it. But at the exact same time, I'm working toward what is my next season? What am I supposed to do now? What is next for me? How can I contribute to the world? How can I serve? So this isn't just one where I kind of lose an identity and kind of easily kind of come into another one. This one is, I've got a search for it. This didn't just fall in my lap, like now. Okay, so what is my identity? I didn't just come right into the role of mom from teacher, I didn't just come right into the role of, you know, trying to be at the school, every chance I could get an elementary school and being a teacher helper. This one is things are stopping. And where do I start? It's a new beginning. So Well, it seems negative when I say I struggle. It's also really positive and super exciting. And there's a lot of us right now that are going through this that I know of. So it's something truly that he that I we've already talked about it. And he I just want to talk about how he handled it. And how am I honesty was and it could not have gone better? Yeah, tell us about Yeah. So he, you know, he has aro and he has his best friend, that would be you are gonna run along. So he, you guys have each other. And he travels for that, which is awesome. And I know he loves it. And I love it for him. He also is part of a couple of kind of leadership programs. That one is like it goes for 18 months. And the other one kind of saying along the same lines of just leadership. Yeah. And he has a few of these that he's a part of, too, for sure. There's another one that's kind of just once a year and wives can go to and he brought me that one was pretty awesome. But he is he's in what he's an he has his identity. And he's building on it just building and building and building, which is super cool. But the last time that he was gone to this conference that he was gone to, and I think it was four or five nights. And I had a word come up. And it was jealousy. Mm hmm. I know. Right? Yeah. And so I think back to you know, Andy Stanley, and it really, really called out to me, he said, You know, when you're jealous of someone, you can't just trade all the good stuff they have and not take their bad, right? Like you have to trade places with everything you take. They're good, they're bad. They're ugly. You take it. All right. So that changed the way that I now think about jealousy. I don't get jealous very often, because I like where I am. Yeah. And I think most people will say the same thing. They trade for the good, but I don't want your bad. Yeah, yeah. So let me just stick with what I've got. Yeah. So but this sort of creeping in, it hasn't creeped in, in a very long time. So when he got home, and he's super excited about what he's done and where he's been, and things they've said and people he met. And so we talked all about the excitement. And then I said, Can we talk a little bit longer? Yeah, sure. Have a seat. Now, but as it I'm so happy for you. But I want you to know, there's a word that's kind of come into my heart, and it's jealousy. I'm jealous of what you get to do. Wow. You are getting to go and meet people and learn new things about leadership. And you know, there's a program that is in called halftime and they're talking about, okay, you're in this halftime of life, like what is next for you. And I thought I'm in a halftime big time. I am truly at halftime, like there is half of my season that's gone. And I'm getting a new one. So I really talked to him about it. The other word that had come into my heart was resentment. I was starting to feel a little resentful. And I attacked both of these words almost immediately with him. I'd only felt those two words within that four or five days that he was gone. And when he came back the very moment I didn't bust out in anger, or I didn't act like I just didn't care about what he'd done in the past four or five days. But I listened to him. I loved what he said. And then I said, here's what's crept in. I don't like it. And I want to talk about it. And so we did. It was very calm. I think probably 1015 years ago if this conversation had gone on, we wouldn't have had it so calm. Yeah, I think that he would have he would have taken up for himself he, you know, and said, I can't help but this is what I do like this, you know, and you have what you have. And I think we just it would have had it was been handled much differently. But he listened, he was so calm about it, he was actually understanding. And I do think because now he's in the season two, or he's losing two kiddos to college as well. So I think he's feeling some of it too, just like you are with Harrison, right? So he really listened. And then after some moments of thinking, he very calmly said, you know, this halftime that I went to was pretty incredible. He said, They have one for women, I think you should take my place. So hearing him say that, of course, I don't want to take what is his, but then I also appreciated it so much. So he would be willing to give up something that he was loving, because he felt like I needed it more. So we've worked it out where I'm not taking his place, but where we're parallel, I'm doing the women's, he's doing the man's or whatever. And so we're gonna parallel what we're doing, and just, you know, break it out where things are not by himself, you know, during random weeks. So I think just having a spouse who heard me and didn't get defensive, or angry at what I was feeling, or act like it wasn't important. I think that was it just it has changed everything.

Joey Odom  21:45  

Well, the first thing that jumps out is good for you. One, it's, it's a, it is an illustration of the health of your relationship that you could talk about that quickly. I mean, get it out there, because the easier one is for it to fester in for, you know, for it to, for you to build up a narrative in your mind that he's selfish, and that he only does what he wants. And then he has all these gratifying experiences and you're in your home and you don't. And instead you were able to voice some of these to him and then get that out. I mean, you just don't want to get was reading over the weekend about this concept of rumination. It's, it's almost like where therapy can go sideways sometimes, because therapy can become you just kind of ruminating in your feelings and just reinforcing all the things that you that you're feeling inside. But we all know that feelings very often lie to us, they're, we should feel them, they're very important to recognize we're not we you have to feel them, you have to go into the depths of them. And then you have to be able to object. And you're not able to actually objectively speak truth to the feelings until you felt them. Because you don't know all the you know, all kinds of the ins and outs of them. So you recognize I have a feeling. I don't know if it's true, you felt the feeling and you talked it out, you got out in the open. And so one, what a huge thing for you to be able to do. To credit to Heath for seeking to understand first, I will admit I'm not great at that. It is like it's the we just of course we are like as a matter of survival. Like we have to protect ourselves. So whether that's physically or emotionally or in a conversation, so naturally, I will I will seek to defend myself. And again, that's No, that's no judgment. That's no judgment on me or anybody who does that. That's just something that we do. Right. So I guess the, I'm curious on I think it's very easy. There's a stage of life, where your kids, I think you've probably experienced this experience less in London where your kids are zero to especially like 10. And I think that feels like prime time. If you have a house where your husband's working, maybe traveling, going to great dinners. You know, as a side note, we'd go to when I was in real estate, we would go to this conference in Vegas, and every year and here I am like I'm you know, having a great time in Vegas at this conference. I mean, it's a lot of work, but I'm also having great dinners. I loved it. I love to gamble play poker, and so I'm playing poker. Kristin called me one. One morning as I've been I've been at the poker table poker table all night. She was waking up in Atlanta at the time, and I was about to go to bed in Vegas. So it's, again, nothing nefarious, it's just you know, I was just having a great time. But but the so every year so one year there was a tornado that she was she had taken shelter it was when we lived in Oklahoma, she had taken shelter. The other time the ceiling caved in while I'm in Vegas. The other time you know both kids were throwing up. And then the other time there was a bat that had found its way into the blankets in the basement. bat flying around unbelievable only when I went to Vegas. So that's a long little side.

Mistye Wilson  24:55  

You're given signs that you don't know That's what it is.

Speaker 1  25:04  

Like, it's not just about a box, but it's really about intentionality and trying to create these rhythms and the box is there to help you like it's a tool, just like your phone is a tool, but you know, helping you put that tool in its right place and use it at the right times and not let it detract from your life. We

Joey Odom  25:21  

love hearing stories from the reo community, the one you just heard actually comes from our voices of REO episodes where I sit down with REO members, and they share about their stories and their lives with aro make sure to check out the voices of our episodes. And if you're a member who would like to share your own story with Aro, please email us at stories at go aro.com

Mistye Wilson  25:45  

It is so true, though that I mean, it is something that Heath and I laugh about to that, man, whenever he's gone. Something goes down. I mean, you know, we've we've gone through a tornado before with hate out of town and, or the you know, the alarm keeps going off every five seconds in our house while he's out of town. I don't know how to turn off the alarm, you know, and I have to call emergency people that I don't want. I don't know what their number is like it for him. It would have been, you know, just go in and push a couple of buttons. And he's done. For me. It's mass chaos. 45 minutes, you know. So yeah,

Joey Odom  26:18  

but that jealous. I mean to that point. That's where the jealousy comes in. Like, Oh, really? Oh, you gotta go. Go have your fight now right

Mistye Wilson  26:24  


Joey Odom  26:26  

So it's easy. So again, like having I'm curious in that having that conversation. Was that a hard conversation? Or were you was it just it's so you guys are so communicative? It was it was fine. Both? Yeah. Both

Mistye Wilson  26:41  

because I am proud of my pride, which is horrible. Times horrible out of my bag so bad. But I do get really proud in the fact that I'm confident. I'm comfortable. I love life. I am happy being a mom. I am happy staying at home. It is a luxury for me. So yeah, it felt a little. Yeah. And I didn't want to poopoo on his parade like you just come home and experience something that I don't I don't have any comprehension of but he was floating. Yeah. And so I didn't want to ruin it. And at the same time, I wanted to nip it while I could. Yeah. So yeah, I was a little nervous.

Joey Odom  27:33  

The other thing that jumps out even as you're talking about that, the one side of that is just this jumps out to me, as you're saying that the one side of that is you didn't ruminate you didn't just like sit and stew and your feelings. But the other side that would have been equally easy is to suppress it and ignore it and not actually had done before. And that's real dangerous, because that was both of which lead to resentment. You're both of them. And that

Mistye Wilson  27:54  

was me packing bags and taking the kids and telling hate that was gonna go stay with my parents for a week. Well, yeah. And that was the whole Iron Man situation where I was just, I was trying to be happy for him. But you know, and if you can't beat him join him. So I joined him and then it just kept becoming more and more and more that was has his identity for a while was being an Ironman. Yeah. And it just got to a point where it just festered so much inside of me. I didn't even enjoy looking at him for a while and I didn't even I didn't really ever tell him maybe hints but hints aren't fair. Yeah, that's not fair. Don't Don't do Hance like come out and say it

Joey Odom  28:37  

which is really hard because you got to it's there. The other side of that is just thinking through the logistics of you don't want to you don't want to hand you do want to say directly but the other side of it is it's almost like a constant evaluation. Am I doing something that's only self serving? I think I mean for Heath now to do that would be so unheard I think he would would think twice but for dedicating so much time to being in an iron man now, but it's something you have to think about. And it's but yeah, that's easy. I got to think that to suppress that would be super, super easy. Because it's like, oh, and I know it's gonna sound weird, but it's like, I'm sure it was because you wanted to be loving this is something that's important too is a

Mistye Wilson  29:17  

goal of his that was turned 40 He wanted to do an Ironman. I thought that was so inspirational. And it was I wanted him to do that. I really did.

Joey Odom  29:28  

I just didn't want the second one.

Mistye Wilson  29:30  

No are all the haves in between and France and the travel and me babysitting which I felt like a babysitter at some point? Well, so yeah, it I didn't like that. Yeah, it felt like babysitting when he would go out and that's not okay. For a marriage. Yeah.

Joey Odom  29:51  

Okay, redirect us. I feel like I've rabbit trail just a little bit. I want to I do want to go back to this struggling with identity, you guys I'm gonna be quiet again.

Mistye Wilson  30:00  

Yeah, so I think that's just where I am right now. And I feel like a lot of moms that I hang out with, that's where we are right now we're trying to figure out the next thing. I would say right now I know who's I am because of my faith. Sometimes right now, I don't know who I am. And so I'm taking active measures in order to figure out what is my next season. So one thing that I've really enjoyed is my life coach, my friend, my sister in Christ, her name's Natalie, and I've had her for a year, because I knew this was coming.

Joey Odom  30:42  

quick plug for now Natalie works with the brave group she does you guys check out the brave group, please do. We're fantastic. Natalie is awesome. They are

Mistye Wilson  30:50  

so and a life coach is so different than a therapist or a counselor or psychiatrist, it is completely different. So before you poopoo on it, like just, you know, research the differences. Yeah, highly recommend.

Joey Odom  31:06  

And we're actually we're gonna link to the brave group in the show notes, if that's something that's a need for you, male or female, the brave groups, fantastic. Bunch of great coaches yet,

Mistye Wilson  31:15  

for real guys, girls, kids, all three of our kids have had a life coach hate started with it. And we got the idea from him. So that's been great. The other one is, you know, Heath has given me the opportunity to do this halftime, I don't really know much about it, except that that's the name of it, because he's just now we've just now said, oh, you should do this. And I've looked into it. I've signed up for it. I don't know much more. But I'm excited. Then the other one is, you know, I've there's books that have read when my kids were coming out of elementary school. And now I'm revisiting those books.

Joey Odom  31:56  

I'm saying bears like what kind of book they're saying bears.

Mistye Wilson  32:00  

Yes. Yeah.

Joey Odom  32:05  

Yeah, it's a great series. It is really great. In helping Yes.

Mistye Wilson  32:10  

And it can take you all the way through until you're 1870 bucks. Right? That's actually a good one. We can we can tag that along too and put this at the end. Yeah. But Jenny Allen does one restless because you're made for more. And that one I devoured, maybe eight years ago. And it's highlighted. It's I mean, it's like a dirty old Bible. It's one of the ones that I've loved. The other one was made for this. And there was like a 40 day thing that I went through, and I did it. It's a book that she does, and we can link all of these as well. But those two specifically. You know, she's got one out right now. I think it's hers. It's find your people. If it's not, I'm so sorry. But that's one that's been sitting I see it and I want to reach for it. Because I think that's going to be a good one, even though I think I have more people but maybe there's more. And then, you know, Priscilla Shire, and that one was discerning the fate discerning the voice of God, that one also looks like a worn out Bible truly. So there's these that I read before I devoured them, then I'm coming back to them because this this, it still rings true of what was then is now Yeah, and I'm gonna go back and I'm going to look at him again. And I

Joey Odom  33:36  

have a question that will require a little bit of probably vulnerability and answering it and it may be a little bit hard and maybe just pretending we don't have microphones in front of our faces. But in your hearts, like what do you want? What do you you you are, you're at a kind of a blank blank slate moment where you can choose so what do you what do you want to do? What do you want your identity to be? What do you want your I mean, forgetting all obviously you're gonna pray through it you're gonna think through you can do all but it just it you're in your core like, right and remove all constraints. Like they're like everything is just that's just consider from that everything's possible. What is it? What do you want to do at your core? I

Mistye Wilson  34:21  

want to serve people. I love mamas. I love women. I think that we are such a force. And oftentimes, we don't know that we don't give ourselves credit for it. Our job is vital, every bit from birth until the end of life. A woman's role is so vital. And I don't think that we value that enough. And I want women to know it. I want women to be better moms and to enjoy My mothering more think about the moments that I didn't enjoy. And yeah, so encouragement, serving mentoring. I've been thinking a lot about, you know, passion plus pain. This is mine, I think there's a different one that said, but passion plus pain equals purpose. So the things that I've struggled with or had pain with, whether it be adoption, or young kids, or the baby blues, all of that, I want that to use it for my purpose. So, I don't know. I think I've told you this before. This is not a secret. I don't think but you know, that if I were ever up on a stage, oh, yeah, I know the music that like a baseball player. I would come on, I have music not gonna say what it is. Oh, but I would come up music we play. And I know the mic drop moment. Like I can see me on a stage. I love it. Yeah. So you know, it's just and that's a dream. Like, that's just stuff or like writing a book. There's just so many things that are in me to do I just have to figure out where I am right now. How do I get to where I'm going? And I want women especially in our season, whatever season of life, you're in that you feel like there's a transition. Get on it. Like, let's do it. Yes,

Joey Odom  36:28  

I am. I'm more convinced than ever that the sang it is halfway there. Like the saying it. And this is not like New Agey, like manifesting, but it does something, something begins to happen. It's almost like your ears and your brain hear your voice saying the thing. And then they just kind of believe it like, okay, that's what we do now. Like, I mean, even even saying, like, and these are, you know, you kind of talked about like identity based habits, James clear talks about that and atomic habits. But for you just to say what you are like, Oh, I'm a speaker. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, even saying that, I believe that you'll, you really will believe yourself that you are that. And so then whether you're doing it or have done it like that does, that's kind of irrelevant. It's just like, I really do think that that voicing it is so powerful, and forgetting about the

Mistye Wilson  37:15  

how one thing and I'm, I'm interrupting. And I know our time is growing short. But I practice this a couple of weeks ago, he's wanted to take me to an art show. And he knew these people, and he wanted to introduce me to these people. And it was a lot of man. And there were some women their wives around like it was just you know, equally awesome. And there was a moment where I thought, Okay, what is my passion and my pain. And because that's my purpose here now in this room. So let's lean in. And so while he was talking with you know, the artist was a guy and you know, he met another guy introduced me to them, and beside them were their lovely other halves their wives. And so somehow, some way and I know that I was transitioning into this was, I just started talking to them about momming. Like, being moms and being wives. And we got into a great conversation. I talked to this woman, she had a three month old baby boy was the cutest thing I've ever seen. I'm gonna squish him. But that would have been awkward, because, you know, she's a new mom, and she's probably would have called me there. I would have done the same thing. That was at our shows, this brown one is frowned upon. Yeah. But we got into a really great conversation just about how she's gonna make it. She is going to make it and she just was in the, the depths. Okay, so that's what I'm gonna lean into, like, Yes, he has a really cool role when we go and do things. But I do too. Yeah, I don't, I'm not I don't need to keep telling myself I'm just the wife. I am more than that. Yeah, so

Joey Odom  39:05  

one thing that jumps out from that story is you could have gone through and you're doing these other things and these are good and it's this is not to downplay these other things. But you could have gone through a six month life plan and come up with like a great purpose statement for yourself and that's great. And you definitely should but I have one and you have which is fantastic. But also in that moment, you just you just acted you just started doing the things that you are as a person and that's where we can get paralyzed I'm the worst at this if trying to pre plan something but we can we can get so paralyzed in getting it perfectly versus just beginning but you know, great quote to begin begin that's how you begin you just do it. You get to that that's how you start is just by starting right. And that's what you did you just like I'm just going to start encouraging moms. Yeah, moms who are right in the thick of things. Okay, it's I'm going to want to drop off as I like to do all that. I'm gonna drop a couple practicals. But before I do, I'd love to hear, is there anything else that you'd like to add here?

Mistye Wilson  40:09  

Communicate? Yeah, I think that's how I always come back. Like be intentional. Yeah, you know, if you feel the yuck in your heart, expose it as quickly as you can and just talk it through and just for all of us to remember our value in the world and to find what we do best. And do it to our heart's desire. Yeah,

Joey Odom  40:30  

I got nothing to add to that. That's fantastic. It really it's so funny. It was just so silly. Like the end of every show, we can be like, Oh, just communicate, right? And it's so true. And just be open with where it began. Maybe the thing I'll add to it is, own how you feel. That's okay. How you feel you don't have to listen. You don't have to let those feelings dictate everything you do. But feel it recognize that you feel it own the fact that you feel and then talk about it. Yeah. Right. And then have that open conversation and for the person on the other side. If you can do like Keith did just seek to understand. Just listen and try to understand you don't have to be sitting there quietly doesn't mean you agree with everything. Right. But you can at least understand somebody else's perspective.

Mistye Wilson  41:13  

And moms have mom, friends. Yeah. Man. Mom, friends, good. Best people. Yeah, that's so good. Find your people. Yeah.

Joey Odom  41:25  

You nailed it. This was great. Once again,

Mistye Wilson  41:28  

thanks for listening. Don't worry.

Joey Odom  41:29  

Thank you. Thank you for talking. Thank you for listening. Thank you for all my interaction and interruptions. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Are there any moms that can relate to what Misty just said this, this struggle with identity and not just moms, dads, too, you know, whether your parents all of us struggle to some degree with our identity, why am I here? And a couple of encouragement. One is, one is begin to, to identify yourself as the person you want to be. And you'll become more like that person. That's one to begin to just do those things do that one of the best pieces of career advice I ever got was from one of my mentors named Harold Briggs. I was I was aspiring for this particular job. And he said, Well, if you want to do that, just start doing the things that job does. And what a great thing just begin to do those things. And then the third thing is, communicates like Misty said at the end, just communicate with your spouse, have a conversation. And that's what that's what we're here for this show is for the exclusive purpose of setting up a conversation for you. So set up a date night, set up 30 minutes, set up an hour for this episode, to your spouse to your partner, and then have that conversation figure out what's true for you. Figure out what you may disagree with so you can get on the same page to make for when that time when that conversation needs to come up later. You've already laid the groundwork for it and you can have that conversation much easier with them later. Thank you so much for listening to the audio podcast to a wish my husband knew please forward this to a friend please give us a five star rating we'd love for more and more people to to hear this message. I think it's so so important. Thanks for joining us. We can't wait to see you again next week. The ARO podcast is produced and edited by the team at Palm Tree Pod Co. Special thanks to Emily Miles for video and digital support.